11 Drunk Nobodies Play Slender
by Kaen Okami
Summary: While Xemnas and Saix are away, the rest of the Organization decides to steal his booze and play a game. Xigbar gets his ass kicked, Axel gives birth to a chocobo, Roxas and Zexion are scarred for life, Luxord can't form a coherent sentence, Xaldin thinks he's Chuck Norris, Larxene's attempts to get laid fail miserably, Marluxia is a total wuss, and Demyx provides background music.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - I have no idea how I got this idea, but it demanded to be written after I had it. This is based on '11 Drunk Guys Play Slender', so look that up on YouTube before you read this to get a better idea of what it's like. **

**Axel: And there's a lovely subliminal message in the intro too -**

**Roxas: **_***jumps on him and claps a hand over his mouth* SHUT UP!**_

**~0~**

Axel whistled softly as he made his way to the Grey Room. He wondered idly why Xemnas had called him in so late. The day's work was finished and he'd been told he was done. Entering the room, he was surprised to see Xigbar there as well.

"You too?" he called to Xigbar, who was lounging on a chair.

"Yeah," Xigbar answered. "Hey, what do you think we - "

"Good, you're both here," a deep voice intoned from the doorway, and Axel turned around to see Xemnas standing there.

"So what's our mission, Superior?" Axel asked. "And no offense, but why so late?"

"No mission for you tonight," said Xemnas. "But this is a job of special importance. I must be away tonight, as you can see." He held up a thick black leash he had in his hand, and the other two immediately understood.

"Oh, right, I forgot," Axel said with a smirk. "It's Saïx's time of the month!" he and Xigbar chorused.

Just a month ago, the Organization's suspicions that Saïx was a werewolf because of how the moon made him go bananas had been confirmed at the last full moon when Xaldin had caught him, in wolf form, eating all of Luxord's sesame chicken out of the pantry. After they were able to stop Luxord from chasing Saïx around the castle with a rolled-up newspaper and spray bottle and then restrain the huge wolf, Xemnas had decreed that each full moon, he would take Saïx out away from the castle to prevent any further incidents. Saïx did not like this arrangement at all, but as he had been a wolf in a doggy crate at the time, he could not protest. However, he resisted it in any way he could. Like now, when he pulled against the leash as Xemnas yanked the giant blue-furred wolf into the room.

"Yes," Xemnas said, struggling to keep hold on Saïx. "So as we will not be here tonight, the two of you are in charge of the castle while we're gone."

"That's all?" Axel said, raising an eyebrow.

"That's all. I'm trusting you two," Xemnas told them sternly, "and if this castle is not in one piece when we get home, I promise I will rub steak all over you and lock you in a cage with him." He pointed at the snarling wolf and glared at Xigbar and Axel warningly. They glanced nervously at each other and then hurriedly assured Xemnas that they would take good care of the castle.

Xemnas smirked. "I thought so. I will see you in a few hours' time, then. Come, Saïx." With that, Xemnas turned and left the castle, with all his effort dragging a loudly complaining Saïx behind him. Xigbar and Axel stood there in silence until the indignant howling faded, meaning that Xemnas and Saïx had left the castle grounds.

"So...the castle's ours now," Xigbar said slowly. "No Saïx. No Xemnas."

"Yeah," said Axel in the same tone. "No one here to tell us what to do."

"We could do...anything we want to do. And there'd be nothing to stop us."

A devilish grin was unfurling on Axel's face. "We could have a little fun." He turned to see a matching grin on Xigbar's face.

"Heh heh...When the bosses are away, the Nobodies will play," he snickered.

"But what exactly to do...?" Axel thought a moment, and then snapped his fingers as a wonderful thought occurred to him. "I've got an idea!" he said excitedly. "Here's what we'll do - I know where Saïx keeps his laptop, so I'll go get that, and you go raid the boss' liquor cabinet."

"I like the sound of this already!" exclaimed Xigbar.

"Hopefully everyone else will too," Axel said. "On the way, we'll get everybody we can find and bring them back here. We're all going to have some fun!"

"Let's go!" On the spur of the moment, the two high-fived, and then bolted off down separate hallways to retrieve their items and gather the Organization.

~0~

_A short while later..._

"So," said Axel, striding back into the Grey Room with Saïx's laptop in his hands, "is everyone here, Roxas?" He had run into the younger Nobody, who had heard the werewolf's yowls and come to see what was going on, right after splitting up with Xigbar, and after Axel explained the situation and his plan, Roxas had helped him get the rest of the Organization together.

"Almost," Roxas reported. "We've got everyone but Vexen, Marluxia, and Larxene. Vexen didn't feel like doing anything with us since he's busy with his experiments, and we couldn't find the other two."

"We think they're hiding," Zexion quipped. "Marluxia's probably in his garden blending in with the flowers, and Larxene's probably off having tea with Satan."

"Hey, everybody!" Xigbar called as he rounded a corner, grinning at them over the several large crates of booze he was lugging. "I got refreshments!" He gave the door an unnecessary kick to open it fully and came in after the others, placing the crates down on a table.

"So what have you got in mind for tonight, Axel?" asked Luxord as Axel set the laptop down on the other table and started it up.

"Yeah, it'd better not be anything boring!"warned Demyx.

"Don't worry, guys," Axel assured them as he tapped keys and moved the mouse. "I'm pretty sure this game will get you going. All right, boys - " he swiveled the laptop around so everyone could see the screen - "Meet the Slender Man!"

A collective gasp came from everyone in the room as they stared at the title screen.

"I didn't know Saïx played Slender," Roxas remarked, surprised. "Or anything else."

"I thought he was obsessed with New York Shark," Xigbar explained. "He spends all his time not involving work or Xemnas on that game and thinks no one realizes."

Xaldin chuckled. "Nothing is more awkward than going into Saïx's room to report and have him tell you, in all seriousness, 'Go away, I'm eating Spider Man.'"

"Heh heh, yeah. But getting back to my point: Tonight," Axel proudly proclaimed, "we are not only going to defeat the Slender Man, but we are going to do it while drunk off our asses!" He paused for a moment, grinning crazily, to let that sink in. "What do you think, guys, can we do it?"

A huge "YEAH!" from everyone else reverberated through the room, accompanied by a victory tune courtesy of Demyx and his sitar.

"All right then!" shouted Axel gleefully. "Lexaeus, shut off the lights, we're doing this right!"

Lexaeus, the closest one to the light switch, flipped the switch and the room went near-completely dark, save for the glow of the laptop screen and the soft light of Kingdom Hearts in the sky.

"So who wants to go first?" Axel asked them, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

**~0~**

**Reviews, please? **

**~0~**


	2. Chapter 2

**~0~**

**A/N - Thanks you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed! I didn't expect to get so much feedback, it's really great. I'm glad you're enjoying it so much!**

**~0~**

"Come onnnnn," whined Axel as he scanned the forest for any sign of a page. "Where are they?"

The others had voted that Axel play first, because it was his idea, and they had spent the past quarter of an hour getting properly wasted and making fun of Axel's difficulties with the game as they did it. They giggled drunkenly at his latest complaint, poking Axel incessantly to annoy him more.

"Axel, you're too sober to play it right!" Xigbar said, smirking. "Let someone else try!"

"Yeah, I wanna play, I'm drunk enough!" Demyx shouted, pushing on Axel's shoulder. The more drinks he had, the more unnecessarily loud he got. "C'mon, Axel, I can find him."

"No way, pipsqueak!" growled Xaldin, standing up to challenge Demyx. "If anyone plays next, it'll be me!"

"Guys, guys -_ hic!_ Re -_ hic!_ - relax! _Hic!_" Roxas attempted to defuse the situation, but his hiccups made him very hard to take seriously. "We - _hic! _- can sort th - _hic! _- this out - _hic!"_

Taking pity on the youngest Nobody, Zexion stepped between the bristling Demyx and Xaldin. "We'll all get a chance to play," he said relatively clearly, priding himself on being able to hold his liquor better than the others. Thinking it would be a quick and easy way to settle this, he suggested, "Why don't you play Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who goes now?"

Demyx and Xaldin liked this idea, and prepared to play for it. "Okay - rock, paper, scissors, and - "

"-Laser gun!" The two of them stared at each other's finger guns for a moment, while the rest of the Organization looked on with amused interest, sipping their drinks. Deciding not to complain, they compromised by glaring daggers at each other and going again. "Rock, paper, scissors, and -"

"Chuck Norris!"

"Mr. Spock!"

Zexion sighed. "We haven't got all night, you two. Just do it right."

Demyx, still holding up his Vulcan salute, stuck his tongue out at Zexion in answer. Xaldin reluctantly came out of the pose he had struck - which he probably thought made him look godlike but in reality looked like he was exposing himself - and said, "Okay, Demyx, one more game, winner take all. Only _real _signs! Got it?"

Demyx nodded like a happy puppy, and they prepared for one last go. "Rock, paper, scissors, and - "

"MANSEX!" Demyx thrust his arms out, crossing them into an X. Xaldin stared, his paper held out incredulously. "What?" Demyx asked. "The boss beats everything!"

"Okay, you know what?!" Xaldin, entirely unamused, promptly punched Demyx across the room where he collided with Axel, knocking the redhead out of the chair. "I win, I'm playing!" He sat down in front of the computer and started playing. "Why the hell won't this guy move?" he yelled not two seconds later, holding the key down as hard as he could to try and make the character move at something above a snail's pace.

"Try punching him," suggested a still-dazed Demyx as Axel pushed him off his lap. "See if that'll make him do what you want."

"That was a joke, Xaldin!" Axel said quickly, as Xaldin had looked like he would take Demyx's advice. "No one can put a scratch on that laptop, everybody got it?"

"Yeah!" cried Luxord, face flushed and swaying slightly. "If us hurts you, the computer will eat Saïx!"

"Uh...come again?" asked Axel.

"I think that was meant to be, 'If you hurt the computer, Saïx will eat us.'" Xigbar translated. "Right, Luxord?"

Luxord nodded. "Just like chicken Saïx ate my sesame!"

"Er...if you say so," Axel said, turning toward the beer crate. Unlike the others, he was still perfectly sober, and he sought to rectify that problem. But he'd only just started to take a drink when a roar from behind him startled him so badly it all blew out of his mouth.

"OH MY KINGDOM HEARTS, YOU GUYS!" Xaldin thundered. "I FOUND A PAGE!"

Coughing a little, Axel hurried to join the others in crowding around Xaldin and the laptop, as Xaldin got closer to the scrap of paper on a tree, so they could all take a good look before he took it.

"No - _hic! _- eyes, always wat - _hic! _- watches," Roxas read, sounding nervous. "Creepy..._hic!"_

"Like Xigbar?" said Demyx, missing the point entirely.

"What?!" shouted Xigbar, outraged. "I've still got one eye, you idiot!"

"Shut up, angry pirate," Demyx muttered, taking another drink.

~0~

Alone in his lab, Vexen mixed several chemicals necessary for his latest project, but found himself unable to concentrate due to his irritation with the other members. The nerve of them all! Jumping at the first opportunity to waste time with a childish game without the Superior or Saïx to keep them in line, stealing their possessions to do it, and most insulting of all, they had assumed _he _would want to take part in such foolishness!

He would have put a stop to it the second they'd told him, except Xigbar and Xaldin were both in favor of Axel's ridiculous plan, and as they ranked higher than him, it was their words over his. Oh, how he wished he could do something...

Then it hit him. What was stopping him from doing something? Xigbar _had _said they could do anything they wanted with the Superior and Saïx gone, or something to that effect. He couldn't stop them, of course, but he could certainly get his own in, and make them pay at least a little for acting this way. Vexen chuckled, already trying to figure out what he would do. He'd mess with them a little, he thought as he put away the chemicals for later use and sealed the container, and as they were bound to get themselves incredibly drunk the results would undoubtedly be amusing. Oh, yes, this was going to be good...

**~0~**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - I'm so glad all of you are liking this story so much! Thanks you to all my reviewers (AxelLea-obsessed, Knight of the Shining Star, Eznorb, MySweetYaoi49, NeldezzyDoo, Domo3, XxCrimsonOblivionxX, and guardianofartbravery) and everyone who favorited/follows the story. You have no idea how great you guys make me feel!**

**~0~**

"I FOUND THE PAGE!" yelled Xaldin, now with a definite slur to his voice. "WE WON, GUYS! WE WON!"

"For the last time, Xaldin," said Zexion exasperatedly, "there are eight pages to find. We have only found three. So please stop bellowing that we won every time you find one!"

"We haven't even seen Slendy yet," Xigbar complained. "He's pretty late, huh?"

"What? No waaaaay!" cried Axel, who had managed to get himself incredibly drunk in the relatively short time Xaldin had been playing. "That son of a chicken, he stood us up! Can you believe it, Roxas?"

"How - _hic! _- could he - _hic! _- do this to us Axel?! _Hic!_" Roxas wailed, sounding a lot more upset about it than he should have been.

"Take it easy, Roxas," rumbled Lexaeus. "You too, Axel."

"Nyeh!" Axel stuck his tongue out at Lexaeus in answer, eliciting a low sigh from him.

"Hey, guys, there's a tunnel!" Xaldin shouted. "I found a tunnel!"

"Look for the page, there's got to be a page in there!" Xigbar said, as everyone went to look at the tunnel.

"Is there a page?" Axel asked, and then a second later whooped and cheered with the others as the flashlight illuminated the small page stuck to the inside wall, which Xaldin triumphantly took.

"This calls for a song!" Demyx whipped out his sitar and began to play. "SECRET TUNNEL," he sang at the top of his lungs, "SECRET TUNNEEEEEL!"

Axel was about to yell at him to shut up, when a sudden ominous chord played on the game, and the room instantly fell silent at the sound, all of them startled at the sound from the previously almost-silent game.

"Uh...wh-what was that?" asked Xaldin, who had gone stock still, fingers frozen on the keyboard.

"I dunno," squeaked Demyx fearfully, clutching his sitar to him protectively. "It sounded scary."

"Um, maybe someone else should play - "

"No, Xaldin!" shouted Xigbar, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. "You can do this! Be a man!"

"Okay..." Xaldin cautiously moved out of the tunnel and walked through the forest, shining the flashlight slowly around so nothing could catch him off guard. Then the scare chord played again and he nearly jumped out of his seat, squealing in fright with the others.

"Axeeeeeel, what the - _hic! _ what the heck is that?" whimpered Roxas, grabbing Axel's leg tightly.

"It's okay, Roxas," Axel said, awkwardly patting Roxas' hand. "It's just a part of the game, you know?"

"Or is it?!" Xigbar whipped around and leered at Roxas with the creepiest face he could pull off, laughing evilly when Roxas shrieked in terror and hid behind Axel.

"Damn it, Xigbar, grumbled Axel. "Leave the kid alone, will you?"

"Ha ha ha! If I don't get him, Slendy will!"

"That doesn't even make any - !"

"Is there a page on this fence?" Xaldin bellowed, cutting him off.

"NO!" screamed Nel, who jumped in, ruined the entire story, and ran away back TO HER OWN GODDAMN STORY.

Everyone stared. "That was weird," Demyx said, in the biggest understatement ever. "Hey, she kind of looked like me - "

"Shut up, Demyx," snapped Xaldin. "Let's just make this a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment and move on. So, does anyone see a page?"

"No, I don't see one, but - " The scare chord boomed again, making them all squeal.

"Axel! It's louder now!" cried Roxas, clinging to Axel in fright. "Why is it - _hic! _- louder now?!"

"I-I'm pretty sure it's nothing..." Axel said shakily, staring at the screen with wide eyes. "Just nothing, that's all..."

As he moved along the fence, music playing ominously, Xaldin thought that this suspense was unbearable. "Okay, I really think that someone else should play now, because I just really - HOLY HELL, IT'S SLENDER MAN!"

The second the faceless creature popped up onscreen, the entire room was filled with high-pitched, drunken screaming mixed with the noise of static.

"OH MY GLOB IT' S HIM!" yelled Axel. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"Xaldin, what did you do?!" cried Zexion, looking scared for the first time since they had started playing.

Xaldin, frantically mashing the keys in an attempt to escape, screamed, "I don't know! I just turned to go back to the forest and _he was right there!" _

"SO RUN! RUN! FLUCKING RUN!" shrieked Demyx, waving his arms around wildly. "YAAAH!"

"I can't!" shouted Xaldin as the static began to fill the screen. "It's not...going...WHY IS THIS MORON STILL WALKING?!"

Xaldin was unable to get away, and the terrified yelling reached a peak as the static completely covered the screen, enveloping Slender Man's face - "He's looking at us! He's looking at us!" screeched Roxas, clinging to Axel for dear life - and ending the game.

"Okay! Okay! He's gone!" said Xigbar, trying to catch his breath after using up all the air in his lungs screaming his head off.

"Thank Kingdom Hearts!" Axel shouted, falling to his knees and raising his arms to the sky in gratitude, accidentally knocking Roxas, who was still screaming as though he didn't realize it was over, to the floor.

"Deep breaths, Roxas, deep breaths. We're back at the title screen," Zexion observed, "now everyone calm down."

"That was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life!" exclaimed Demyx. "Counting that time I saw Xemnas and Saïx in bunny suits!"

"I'm sho za-ramatussed!" slurred Luxord, who was on his hands and knees and had been screaming at the floor in the general panic over Slender Man.

"Traumatized as you may be," translated Zexion, "it was really nothing to - "

"Oh, shut up, Zexy," snapped Xaldin, getting up from the chair and stalking off to the liquor table. "Somebody else play!" he shouted over his shoulder.

"If that's what you want. Demyx, do you want to -" Zexion turned to see Demyx huddling behind a couch, holding his sitar and rocking, looking frightened and frantically shaking his head at Zexion. "Never mind."

"Hey, hey!" said Axel, grinning suddenly. "How about Roxas gives it a try?"

"Yeah!" agreed Xigbar enthusiastically. "He'll love it, won't you, kiddo?" He grinned at Roxas, who was sitting next to Axel, hugging his knees and giving Xigbar and Axel a terrified, wide-eyed stare that clearly said, _Are you nuts?! _Xigbar smirked. "See, Axel, he's so excited!"

"Uh, no, guys," Roxas muttered, getting up from the chair and attempting to back away, but drunkenly falling backwards onto his ass. "I - _hic! _- I really don't think - _hic! _-I can play ri - _hic! _- right now," Roxas shakily got up and attempted to move back away, but only succeeded in staggering halfway to the door before falling down again.

Axel was not pleased with Roxas' lack of enthusiasm. "Time to go Hajime Aoyama on his ass!" he declared. He rushed over to Roxas, managing not to fall, picked him up by his upper arms, and carried him over to the computer chair, singing loudly and encouragingly, "You wanna be an Air Force ranger! You wanna live a life of danger! You don't wanna get raped by strangers!"

"Oh, come on, Roxie!" said Xigbar as Axel plopped him down in the chair. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"It died!" Roxas looked annoyed when everyone else found that hilarious; he hadn't meant to be funny. "Axel, do I really - _hic! _- do I really have to play it now? I - _hic! _- I don't wanna! _Hic!" _

"You can do it, Roxas!" Demyx called, giving him a goofy grin and a thumbs-up, happy that it was Roxas having to face the Slender Man and not him. "We believe in you!"

Roxas was still scared, but a part of him was starting to think he could do this. He'd taken on giant Heartless, how hard could a computer game be? And he'd have everyone with him this time too. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but... "I CAN do this!"

When all of the others immediately started cheering for him, Roxas grinned gleefully. Filled with new determination, he started the game and began to play. "I'm gonna beat the Slender Man!"

~0~

"I can't do this!" wailed Roxas, trying to find his way out of the woods and jumping every time a note of ominous music played. "What made me think I could do this?!"

He'd managed to find four pages, and had actually been pretty confident about his chances of winning the game...and then the Slender Man had come for him and everything had gone downhill from there. He'd just gotten the fourth page off what he thought was a truck's gas tank - Axel still didn't understand why they couldn't use it to light Slender Man on fire - and had been looking through the woods for the fifth one when the screen had suddenly gone fuzzy, eliciting panicked shrieking from him and everyone else. He'd tried to escape, but ended up walking right into Slender Man! Roxas was still shocked that he'd been able to turn around and run away from him (and finding out that he could run with the shift key in the process) while scared out of his mind and screaming his head off.

He didn't think he could pull off something like that again, so he was just praying he didn't run into Slender Man again. If all else failed he could probably abandon the game and shove Demyx in the chair to deal with it in his place, he reasoned. Roxas, spotting a clearing of some kind, held down shift and dashed for it, eager to be out of the woods and not have to worry about Slender Man popping out from behind any tree.

"Hey, there's tanks!" Roxas remarked, realizing what the big cylinder things in the clearing were.

"Aww, yeah!" yelled Xigbar as he fistpumped, thinking of military tanks. "We gonna blow dis bitch sky-high!"

"Go Modder Wadfern Two all ovah hish ashe!" Luxord agreed, making motions with his hands as if he was playing a video game.

"No - _hic! _- they're gas tanks," Roxas corrected, looking for the page he knew had to be around here somewhere.

"WHOO!" Axel threw his hands up in celebration, fire and explosions on his mind. "Let's light the forest up, see if Slendy can get out of that!"

"No!" argued Xigbar. "We need to shoot him! Why don't we have a gun?!"

"Who goes to the park and doesn't bring a weapon?!" cried Demyx. "What kind of park is safe at night?!"

"Roasty toasty Slender," Axel sing-songed, not paying attention, "roasty toasty Slender!"

Zexion debated whether or not to tell Axel they couldn't use the tanks to start a forest fire, but decided not to waste his breath.

"Hey - the page!" Roxas exclaimed. "Guys - _hic! _- the page!"

"Get it, Roxas!" called Xaldin unnecessarily, as Roxas was already making a beeline for it.

"'Help me,'" he read off it, and snickered before snagging it. "That makes - _hic! _- five pages. I don't think I - _hic! _- need any help, do I?" he bragged, newly confident by his managing to get farther than anyone else, and in response to the raised glasses and cheers of assent from the others, he gave a self-satisfied smirk made stupid-looking by his drunkenness. "I think - _hic! _- I think I can win this all by myself!"

"You can do it, Rocky!" shouted Xigbar, and Axel immediately started half-yelling, half-singing the Rocky theme music.

His fear of the Slender Man forgotten, Roxas set out for the woods again, looking for the page he knew had to be in here somewhere, encouraged by Axel's motivational "singing." He wasn't watching out for anything but that little scrap of paper, and so, while he was running at something he thought might be it, he wouldn't have noticed anything wrong if Xigbar hadn't gestured to the edge of the screen and said, "Hey, did you see that?"

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "See what?" He turned to the left and shone the flashlight in the area Xigbar had indicated. "I don't see anyth - OHHHHH CRAP!"

"SLENDER MAN!" shrieked Demyx.

As the screen quickly went staticky, Roxas knew that despite his efforts - he was screaming and key-mashing as best he could - he would not be able to get away this time, and he would have to take drastic measures.

"ABANDON GAME!" he shouted, taking a flying leap out of the chair and into Axel, leaving his character to be killed by Slender Man.

"Oh, great job, Roxas," complained Demyx, emerging from behind the couch. "You let him kill you!"

"Hey, I got five pages!" Roxas snapped in his defense. "I'd like to see you do better."

"Uhh..." Demyx rubbed the back of his head, trying to find a comeback and ending up with nothing. "You got me there. I'd be scared too."

"Us too," agreed the others.

"So...Hey, maybe if we weren't as scared of Slender Man, we could beat him?" Roxas offered.

Demyx laughed. "Yeah, great chance of that!"

"Wait, wait, maybe the kid's onto something," said Xigbar, attempting to think as hard as his drunken brain would allow. "Okay, what if...Oh! Guys, I've got it - we gotta find Marluxia and Larxene! We need to get them in here to try this!"

"Yeah, Larxene!" Axel agreed excitedly. "That bitch isn't scared of anything! She'll kick Slender Man's ass!"

"Or maybe he'll eat her!" said Demyx, sounding quite delighted with the idea.

"All right, so this is a good plan?" Xigbar asked, and the others all agreed. "Okay, now who's going to look for them?"

"I suppose I will," Zexion volunteered. "I'll be the most able to look around without wreaking alcohol-induced havoc on the rest of the castle."

"Let me come with you, I'll help!" Roxas climbed off of Axel's lap and, as soon as he tried to join Zexion, promptly tripped over his own feet and faceplanted.

Zexion sighed. "And I'll be able to walk without falling on my face every few seconds."

"No, I'm okay," Roxas assured him as he picked himself up. "Don't worry, I'll try not to fall again!"

"Fine, you can come," Zexion relented. "Let's go."

~0~

Far above the heads of the other Nobodies, hidden from their sight in the air vents, Vexen watched their antics with much amusement, quietly nibbling popcorn from a large bag he'd made, and all in all, he found this to have been a wonderful decision. And of course, there was so much potential for blackmail as well as entertainment from all of them. He wouldn't have as much trouble getting the other members to listen to him if he could hold this night over their heads for the rest of their existences, he thought! Vexen had actually brought along something special tonight, to really give the other Nobodies a fright (or, that was to say, whatever passed for fear in a Nobody), but they were scaring themselves silly all on their own, and he had felt no need to use it. But now he heard that his two least favorite Organization members were being brought into the equation. That changed things entirely...Vexen smirked as he stroked the small machine next to him. This was going to be more fun than he had thought.

**~0~**


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, they're not in their rooms," Roxas concluded as he and Zexion left the area after thoroughly checking both Nobodies' bedrooms.

"Where else would they be...?" Zexion mused. "Marluxia's garden, perhaps...?" But he paused when he heard voices coming from the hall up ahead. Stopping Roxas and gesturing for him to be quiet, he listened carefully...Yes, that had to be them. "They're over here," he whispered to Roxas. "Keep it down." As stealthily as they could, the two moved up to the corner, where they could easily overhear what the other pair were saying undetected.

"I'm really not sure about this...How do we know we won't get caught?" _Marluxia, _thought Zexion. _What does he sound so worried about?_

A light giggle. Larxene. "Come on now, don't get so worked up, Lulu."

Roxas and Zexion glanced at each other. _Lulu? _Roxas mouthed, confused, and Zexion shrugged.

"Larxene, please, somebody will hear!"

"Will you relax? You heard what's happening, Xemnas and Saïx are gone and the rest of them are all focused on playing their game and drinking themselves stupid. We're the furthest thing from their minds right now."

"I still don't know...What if they still want us to play it with them? They sounded very insistent before, you know. What if they come looking for us?" Roxas and Zexion exchanged a conspiratorial smirk at Marluxia's words.

"You're thinking way too hard about this, Lulu. They've probably forgotten all about us. Besides, none of them suspect a thing about us being together: they all think you're gay anyway."

"What?! I _told _them, I just happen to like flowers and my hair color is completely natural!"

"I believe you, Lulu, calm down. And remember, they're all too obsessed with the 'are-Axel-and-Roxas-gay' conundrum."

_We're a conundrum now? _Roxas thought. _We don't exactly hide anything..._ He turned to Zexion and whispered, "You guys talk about Axel and me?"

"Yes, the betting is very active," Zexion whispered back, not looking at him. "Stay quiet, Roxas," he reminded him as he turned his attentions back to the pair up ahead.

"What are you so worried about?" Larxene was saying, still sounding amused. "Listen, it's all right, nobody is going to find out."

"Yes, wouldn't it be great if every Nobody in the castle found out," Marluxia deadpanned.

"They won't! Look, it's our one night with no bosses or anyone else around to annoy us. We can do anything we want."

Zexion noticed a change in her voice in those last few words. Was Larxene sounding...seductive? He risked a small glance around the corner, and saw the two of them in the middle of the hall. Larxene - having no sense of personal space, as usual - was right up against Marluxia, with her arms around his neck. "Don't you want to enjoy it?" she purred (with a grin on her face that confused Zexion), and then she lifted her head to gently kiss Marluxia's lips.

Zexion's eyes widened._ Oh my Kingdom Hearts, _he thought, _they're a couple! Now things are starting to make sense..._

Marluxia smiled at his girlfriend as she pulled back from the kiss, and it was clear from his expression that he was having second thoughts about whatever she was suggesting. "All right, my little rose," he said, stroking her cheek. "Let's say I said yes. Where do you suggest we go? We can't go back to our rooms, that would be the first place they'd check for us."

Zexion didn't need to look back at Roxas to know that he was smirking again too. Marluxia really knew what he was talking about, whether he was aware of it or not.

"If you say so, Lulu." Larxene took her arms off of Marluxia, considering his question for maybe ten seconds. "I've got it!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "What about in there?" She gestured to the door of a broom closet at the end of the hall.

"In...there?" Marluxia raised an eyebrow. "Your brilliance astounds me, Larxene. You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you?"

"Oh, don't be like that, we've done it in weirder places," Larxene admonished, hands on her hips. "Besides, nobody will find us in there. There's got to be a million and one closets in this place, what are the chances somebody will check the one we're in?"

"...You do make some good points," Marluxia admitted, one step away from going ahead and saying yes.

Larxene smirked, knowing she had him. "So what are we waiting for?"

"Who's waiting now?" Marluxia grinned and let her take his hand and lead him over to the closet, visibly excited and with his worries apparently forgotten.

"We won't be in there long enough for them to find us anyway," Larxene teased him. "This should only take about two minutes."

"Two minutes? Oh, you underestimate me, my dear," purred Marluxia, and the last thing Zexion saw him do before they disappeared into the closet was run a hand up Larxene's thigh.

As Marluxia closed the door behind them, a thoroughly nauseated Zexion turned back to Roxas, who asked him what was going on. "Well, apparently the two of them are...you know, _together," _Zexion told him.

"Ohhh," said Roxas, nodding as he began to understand. "So they went into the closet to...uh..."

"What?"

"Bow chicka wow wow?" Roxas asked innocently. "That's what Axel calls it sometimes," he explained, looking down in slight embarrassment, to a staring Zexion.

"Yes, they are having a little romantic moment," Zexion confirmed. "But the thing is...we found them, but...is it really the right time to ask them to play Slender with us?"

"Well...Maybe not, but if we don't, the others will," Roxas pointed out.

Zexion thought for a moment, then sighed and said, "You're right. Let's go, quick before they get too far into it." He and Roxas got to their feet and made their way down the hall. As they got nearer to the closet, they started hearing noises from inside - movement, zippers unzipping, fabric falling to the floor, and Marluxia and Larxene murmuring to each other, which made Zexion feel extremely uncomfortable listening to it.

"Ooh, you _are _such a naughty boy," Larxene whispered.

"Rawr!" Marluxia responded playfully.

Trying not to gag, Zexion and Roxas stopped in front of the closet door. Roxas turned to Zexion and said softly, "You open it. I don't think I can."

"Me? Really?" Roxas nodded emphatically, and Zexion sighed. "Fine. Cover me, I'm going in." He went over and put a hand on the door handle, steeling himself to do this, and took a deep breath. "One," he whispered, "...two...three!" He flung open the door - "Marluxia, Larxene, we - OH MY KINGDOM HEARTS!" - and immediately regretted this decision as he stared, horrified, at them both on the floor...Marluxia straddling Larxene's hips...and both of them completely naked.

"_Zexion?! Roxas?!" _Marluxia cried, startled and frozen with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"Oh, _GOD, _you guys, _what the HELL?!" _Larxene screeched at the top of her lungs, half shocked and half outraged.

"Why did we agree to go find them, Zexion? Why, why, why?!" Roxas howled, covering his no-longer-innocent eyes.

"I knew this would happen. I knew this would happen!" Marluxia said as he grabbed for his boxers and hurriedly pulled them on.

"Shut up, Marluxia!" Larxene snapped, shoving Marluxia off of her and slipping into her Organization coat.

"...Sorry, guys," muttered Zexion, trying and failing to banish the images seared into his brain.

"Oh, you're not sorry yet," Larxene growled, glaring the fires of hell and damnation at Zexion and Roxas. Her initial shock at being caught was gone, and now she was just absolutely furious. "But you will be!"

Zexion backed away slowly as she got up, as if he were facing a rabid dog, which, when he thought about it, wasn't too far off the mark. He heard Roxas whimpering behind him, and he tried to talk them out of their predicament. "L-Listen, Larxene," he tried to reason with her, "w-w-we didn't mean to walk in on you...we just..." He broke off when lightning burst into being in her hands in response. "The hell with it - Run, Roxas!" he shouted, and they both wheeled around and ran screaming for their lives.

~0~

Axel stifled a yawn as he poured himself another shot. Aside from some mildly amusing drunken babble, there hadn't been much excitement since Zexion and Roxas left. They had convinced Lexaeus to play, but as he had been quietly getting himself so drunk he couldn't see anywhere near straight, that hadn't been going so well. Watching him run into trees and bellow like a dying cow every time he did had gotten boring after a few minutes, and he hoped that Roxas and Zexion were having a more exciting time than he was.

"You know who would love this game?" Xigbar said, making them all look at him. "You know who would love this game? Saïx."

Axel laughed at the thought. "Saïx would suck a dick!" he said loudly, and sipped down his shot.

"Yeah! Hey, I feel bad for him," Demyx remarked. "He's a dog, he can't play."

"Why don't we make a toast in his honor?" Xigbar suggested.

"HONOOOOOOOOR!" yelled Luxord, staggering around and waving his beer bottle in the air wildly.

"Everyone grab another drink!" Axel instructed, and when they'd all done that, he raised his own. "To that blue-haired frickbag nobody likes!"

"To frickbags!" chorused the others, minus Luxord who shouted something unintelligible and fell over, spilling his drink all over himself.

Axel grinned, and was gulping down his drink when a sudden scream startled them all so badly they choked on their drinks. "Wh-what was that?" Axel sputtered.

They all looked towards the door as the screaming - which seemed to be coming from somewhere else in the castle - continued, and they were trying to figure it out. It sounded like three people, actually. Two of them they felt pretty sure were boys, and they sounded terrified and as if they were pleading for mercy. The third one sounded like a girl's, and more importantly, like whoever it belonged to was raging. Add that to the fact that the other two were begging for their lives, and...

"Hey, they found Larxene!" Axel realized, then cringed with the others as they heard a loud crash and the sound of something breaking.

"Holy crap, did they find Larxene," Demyx said, hugging his sitar protectively.

They listened, petrified, to the sounds of Larxene carving a path of destruction through the castle chasing Zexion and Roxas, wondering what the poor boys had done to make her so homicidally angry.

"I didn't realize she hated Slender that much," Xigbar remarked. Another crash, louder this time, and accompanied by another shrill scream.

"Did Larxene just call one of them a cock-weasel?" Xaldin asked, chuckling.

"I...I think that's what it was," Demyx answered, sounding very nervous.

"I remember when we were on a mission together and she called me a fire-assed twatbird," Axel recalled. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"Well," said Xigbar, taking the situation in stride, "at least we've found a worthy opponent for the Slender Man."

**~0~**

A few minutes passed, and the crashing and screaming gradually stopped, and the castle was relatively quiet again. Apparently, someone (Marluxia probably) had been able to calm Larxene down, or Zexion and Roxas had met a horrible demise, which everyone yelled at Xigbar for suggesting. At any rate, no one had come back to the Grey Room yet, and Axel was starting to get impatient. Watching Lexaeus' train wreck of an attempt to play was getting annoying, especially when Xaldin started trying to help him out by playing overzealous coach.

"No, Lexaeus, wrong way! That's a fence - no, you can't climb the fence, turn around, there's a - Stop walking into the fence! There's a page over there, go left - no, your other left, no, the other one, your - Lexaeus, the fence doesn't love you! Okay, good, go over there, get the page, it's on the big thing, you see it? No? Just look up and you'll - no, look UP, you idiot - YOUR OTHER UP!"

With some effort, Lexaeus managed to get the page, then just sat there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened and why everyone was cheering for him. When he realized what he'd done, he jumped up, accidentally uppercutting Xaldin in the chin, and triumphantly roared, "COCK A DOODLE DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!"

"That's great, Lex," said a feminine voice, and they all turned to see Larxene come through the door, with Marluxia trailing behind her and Zexion and Roxas running down the hallway trying to catch up. "So, just how wasted are you guys?" she asked, crossing her arms and glaring at them.

"Aaaah! The devil!" screamed Demyx. He tried to turn and run, but as he was standing right in front of the back window, he ended up running straight into it with a loud smack, and falling, dazed, to the floor.

"...I'm going to take that as a 'plastered off your asses.'" Larxene said dryly.

"Well, this is off to a lovely start," Marluxia said sarcastically, looking at Demyx, who had knocked himself cross-eyed and was probably seeing little cuckoo birds flying around his head. A moment later, Zexion and Roxas pushed past him and dashed into the room. Zexion, looking relieved to be back, made a beeline for the alcohol. He grabbed the first bottle of vodka he could get his hands on and kissed it happily.

"Oh, sweet brain bleach," he murmured, and then began chugging it down as fast as he could.

"Axeeeeeeeel!" Roxas wailed, looking very traumatized, as he bolted to the older Nobody and leaped into his arms. "I'm scared, Axel!"

"It's okay, Roxas! It's okay!" shouted Axel, now in full papa wolf mode, as he held Roxas protectively. He glared over the smaller boy's head at Marluxia and Larxene. "What did they do?"

"Each other!" cried Roxas, burying his head in Axel's chest.

"It's all right, Roxas, I'm gonna - wait, WHAT?!" Seven shocked faces looked up to stare incredulously at Marluxia and Larxene. "You...you mean they were - ?!"

"Yes, we were trying to have an intimate moment together on our one night alone," snarled Larxene, still looking like she wanted to stab someone. "But thanks to you idiots, it's ruined now."

"Ohhh," said a grinning Xigbar, who was finding this all very funny. "No wonder you were trying to kill Roxas and Zexion - they caught you with your pants down!"

"Shut up, Xigbar!" Larxene snapped, going scarlet in the face.

"You know, it isn't entirely their fault," Marluxia said, his irritated look turning to her. "Whose bright idea was it to get it on in a broom closet again?"

"Like you were complaining about it! And besides, you said I could decide the next place we did it after what you did last time, anyway," Larxene countered. "You still owe me a new computer."

"Oh, not this again! I said I was sorry!"

"What'd he do?" asked Xaldin.

"Well," said Larxene, still looking at Marluxia, "let's just say Lulu got a little overexcited and gave my computer permanent sticky keys."

"Oh, come on!" Axel protested, louder than all the others' yells of disgust and Zexion noisily trying to down the rest of the bottle even faster than before. "Haven't you traumatized Roxas enough?" he complained, gesturing to the Nobody in his lap, who had stuck his head into Axel's coat in embarrassment and could be heard inside whimpering and crying like Keiichiro from _Ghost Stories. _

"Hey, if that kid had trauma before, it's no fault of mine," Larxene said flippantly.

"Yeah? Roxas still believes that there are evil purple bunnies that will butt-fuck him at night!"

"Th-The bunnies are gonna get me, Axel!" sobbed Roxas, sounding more Keiichiro-like by the second.

"ROXAS, THEY'RE NOT REAL!"

"Okay, that one was me," Larxene admitted. "But that's beside the point!"

"The point being that you guys are gonna beat Slender Man for us?" asked Xaldin hopefully.

"Yeah, 'cause these guys are a bunch of sissies!" said Xigbar, and then he ducked the beer cans thrown at him from all directions.

"And why would we help you do anything?" Larxene narrowed her eyes at them. "Because I - "

"Oh, why not?" Marluxia said suddenly, throwing up his hands. "What could it hurt to give it a try?"

"Marluxia?" Larxene asked, surprised. "You..._want _to play it with them? Uh...why?"

"Well, first," Marluxia began to explain as he strode over to the liquor table, "our chances of enjoying a romantic night are already shot to hell, so we really don't have anything better to do. Second - " he poured himself a drink as he spoke - "they have copious amounts of free booze, and I think we both need some after what just happened." Here he narrowed his eyes at Zexion, who squeaked and scurried away to hide behind Lexaeus. "Third," he went on, looking back at Larxene, "just remember, whatever has happened tonight, it cannot possibly get any worse. And finally, however frightening this game may be, we will not be scared by it, because nothing can happen that would be any scarier than the time we had to watch Demyx and Xaldin in Speedos, twerking to 'Shake That Ass, Bitch.'"

Xaldin and Demyx (the latter of which had come to and taken a seat again) looked at each other and snickered at the memory of the fun they'd had that day.

"Shut it, you dickbags, that was a traumatic experience," Larxene growled, rubbing her temples to get rid of the headache threatening to come on as she remembered the horrifying sight. "Fine, Lulu, we'll give the game a try."

"How do you play?" Marluxia asked, turning to the others.

"Come take a look," Xaldin said, beckoning them over to behind the player chair. "We'll show you as you go."

"Show ashe ya go...show ashe ya go..." Luxord, who was still on the floor as he was too drunk to get up, sing-songed to himself.

Ignoring Luxord like everyone else, Marluxia and Larxene went up behind Lexaeus and looked at the game screen. Lexaeus, looking determined as all hell, was repeatedly ramming the player character against a tree.

"Uh...you have to bonk a tree?"

"You're going to love this game, Lulu."

"Quiet, you." Marluxia addressed the others again, "None of us will be getting anywhere with this game if Lexaeus keeps this up."

"Okay, we got you, Marly," Xigbar said, getting up somewhat shakily. "Lex, get up, these two want to play!"

Lexaeus turned slowly to the side to glare at Xigbar, then behind him to glare at Marluxia and Larxene, who backed away, hands up in self-defense. Not wanting to stop playing for any of them, Lexaeus gave a Hulk-like growl and went back to the game, where he continued to doggedly ram the player character into the tree.

"All right then, if you won't get up," said Xigbar, straightening up and preparing to charge, "then I'LL get you up!" He lunged forward and grabbed the bottom of the chair, and with a mighty "HEAVE-HOOOOO!", he pushed up as hard as he could in an attempt to dump Lexaeus out of it. However, Lexaeus being the largest and heaviest member of the Organization, Xigbar's valiant efforts didn't do shit, except make Lexaeus angry.

"LEX SMASH!" he roared, and he bitchslapped Xigbar so hard he went flying in a graceful arc across the room, screaming all the way. Everyone else cringed as he hit the wall and dropped to the floor.

"Uh...nice effort, Xigbar," Marluxia muttered.

Zexion, feeling like he should do something to help, tentatively approached his big friend. Lexaeus wouldn't Lex-smash _him, _right? "Um, Lexaeus?" he asked, and received a grunt in answer. "I...I was thinking, maybe you could stop playing for now and...give me a turn?"

"No," Lexaeus snapped, without even looking at Zexion.

"Come one, will you please let me play?"

"No."

"...Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please!"

"No!"

"Hoo boy, we got a real battle of wits going on here," quipped Axel.

"All right already!" shouted Zexion. "Listen, Lex, if you let me play, I...I'll admit right here and now that Pinkie Pie is a better pony than Twilight Sparkle."

"_What?!" _yelled everyone, shocked.

"You guys are bronies?" exclaimed Xaldin. "Where is this coming from?"

"Yes, we are, but - " Zexion's explanation was cut off by the loud, sudden noise of Xigbar and Larxene laughing their asses off at him. "Don't judge me! DON'T JUDGE ME!" he shouted at them, then turned back to Lexaeus. "What do you think, Lex?" he asked over Xigbar mockingly singing the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme song. "Fair deal?"

"Say it. Say it NOOOOOW."

"Okay: Pinkie Pie is the best pony and she's better than Twilight Sparkle."

"But Zexion!" Roxas, the only one not looking amused at all, protested. "How can you betray your favorite pony?! And Rainbow Dash is the best pony there is!"

"Don't worry, Roxas," Zexion whispered. "He's drunk, so he won't remember anything I say, so it doesn't mean anything. And yes, Rainbow Dash is indeed a good pony." Roxas smiled delightedly for probably the first time that night.

Satisfied, Lexaeus stood and lumbered slowly away - "If you fall over, we're not picking you up!" Axel called - to settle down in the far corner with his drink, and Zexion took his place in front of the laptop.

"Um...if it makes up for anything," he began, looking warily at Marluxia, "I'll show you how to play."

"I suppose that would be fair," Marluxia said, reluctantly deciding to let Zexion and Roxas off the hook for their mistake, and then he turned to his girlfriend. "What do you think, does this make up for everything?"

"Well, I'd still rather choke them both in their sleep," Larxene said casually as she lounged back on the couch. "But I guess we can settle for this."

"All right, Zexion," said Marluxia, going over to the computer. "Show us."

While Zexion began explaining the objective and controls of the game, Demyx got up, staggered over to the couch and flopped down on it, grinning stupidly at Larxene. She glared at him. "What? What do you want?"

"You call him Lulu?"

Larxene narrowed her eyes. "Yes...What about it?"

"So what does he call you, Lala?"

For the second time that night, Demyx was immediately punched across the room.

**~0~**


End file.
